


So, how do you feel?

by 0mang_oed0



Category: Kpop - Fandom, NCT
Genre: Depression, Sad boi hours, inner workings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 16:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0mang_oed0/pseuds/0mang_oed0
Summary: He couldn’t really define that answer but if he had to pick a word to describe his being, it would be : wrong





	So, how do you feel?

He couldn’t quite pinpoint it but something felt wrong, everything was too far to the left and too far to the right simultaneously it was as though he was underwater trying to breathe, he could in fact, still breathe perfectly fine, but there was an essence of doubt in his mind.   
Something was uncanny and he couldn’t pick out what.   
There was the heavy feeling of lead weighing down in his chest and his limbs felt awkward, and tiresome to move.   
His eyes were blank and nothing was clearly perceived despite his 20/20 vision, everything was blurry, and not correct.   
He stood up and it felt like it took the effort of holding up the sky, his vision was invaded with black dots, and his head felt both dizzy and heavy, it was spinning.   
The room appeared muffled and grainy and he took a step forwards his knee buckling and struggling to hold him upright.   
Everything was numb and there was no spark of energy anywhere to be seen in him or his surroundings.   
He continued to drag his feet harshly across the carpet to the fairly close en-suite when he was suddenly overcome with rage, a hollow kind of rage where he just wanted to punch something.  
There was nothing to be angry at, but he couldn’t help the consuming feeling that swept over him, and suddenly with a jolt kicked the wall violently with a large sweep.   
A loud bang sounded through the apartment but the boy still had no reaction to this, not the pain nor the sudden sound.   
Everything felt wrong,his throat was both dry like sandpaper scratching away whilst being similar to the sensation of drowning.   
He wanted to claw at his throat and rip out his vocal chords or just scream endlessly till the feeling disappeared once again.   
He carried on into the bathroom where worst of all he was confronted with his reflection, disgusting and messy his hair was at every angle and his skin was both cracked and dry yet oily.   
Everything was two ways but one.   
The rage once again filled him as he peered at the other him across the mirror.   
He was hideous and wanted any resemblance of himself gone.   
He punched the mirror quickly causing his knuckles to undoubtedly bruise, and still, the mirror did not break.   
He felt like screaming and began to scratch his throat, it was too suffocating and everything was going wrong.   
It was all wrong.   
His eyes bugged and he slapped his face, digging his nails into his puffy cheeks and repeatedly clawing at his collarbones.   
He slumped to the floor and curled up.   
He was freezing and sweating.   
He could feel his hands shaking and grabbed them to stop the tremors.   
Angered by the useless attempts he punched against the floor hoping to stop the sign of weakness.   
He pulled the hood over his head and closed his eyes breathing rapidly.   
His heart was beating quickly and he couldn’t keep up with the pace trying to breath in sync.   
He punched his head and held his breath hoping to stop what was happening.   
The beating of his heart slowed back to normal and his rage was gone but the sickly discomfort before was still present.   
Lingering too long like always, just there with him constantly, never leaving.   
He hugged his legs tighter against himself leaving bruises where his hands clenched with an iron hold against his ankles.   
Why? Why was everything so....wrong?   
He had no more words to understand this feelingand he couldn’t help but pinpoint it as wrong.   
This is something that shouldn’t of been happening.   
It wasn’t normal but there was nothing wrong with him himself. Was there?   
It was unexplained.   
Like all good mysteries and as he continued to rock himself backwards and forwardsfighting away the feeling, as his throat returned to normal and his vision became more focused.   
His lungs opened up and the sand weighing in them disappeared.  
There was less intense disturbance but with no cause or reason to suspect why.   
It merely cleared off and he stood once again confused and light headed as strength came back to his legs of which he was lacking before.   
It happened almost everyday of every week constantlysometimes for hours on end, the entire day, or a 5 second switch, and it confused him.   
What was wrong?   
And why did everything f e e l so wrong?  
It was unpredictable and extremely uncomfortable.   
Having fell through an entire two weeks in that state permenantly he felt that there was nothing to be done.   
But as it shot back at him in small hour long disruptances he couldn’t help but be off put.   
The violent waves of anger that would surge and the raw nothingness that came from.  
Truly a mystery.


End file.
